Wednesday, December 20, 2006
MSN conversation
edited with addition of replies to the tags:

thanks nadiah n siti_m :)

hmm~ i really am not confident that they will be convinced, sooner or later.
takpelah. as nadiah said, better to be active siket drpd tk dpt langsung... kan?
n i guess from now on, lebih baik focus on my family n studies dulu... yg lain tu, psl Ummah, da'wah, nanti2 dulu (???).

see? i'm confused. Ya Allah... macam mane ni?

but if i were to just continue being active (erm, excluding the night meetings which i no longer will be able to attend), i will surely have this feeling of guilt. rasa bersalah. no, i didn't lie to my parents. i really tell them i'm meeting my frens.

but because i know my parents n siblings won't be happy with me. most of the time balik meeting (malam) mesti risau. hati tak tenang. rushing.

n that will just make me feel even more guilty. being discreet. tak suka lah. rimas! sampai bila nak jadi macam ni kan?

so i guess i'll just have to sacrifice Nur Ikhwan, Saff n IMPIAN. (???)

haiz. n now, i'm beginning to sound selfish, no?

*tsk*
.........................
a recent MSN conversation i had with a friend. tak kuase nak re-type n compose everything...
haiz. this has been bugging me since yesterday...
.
.
.
if you're good, be better says:
nvm laa. just that i wish my parents n siblings are more supportive...

Can I start a family? says:
ohhh

if you're good, be better says:
semlm balik meeting kene marah habes~
had to return my house keys semua...
lagi siket kene locked out
there. kluar pun -_-"

Can I start a family? says:
my goodness!
did u had any reasoning for u to explain to them?

if you're good, be better says:
they are against my involvement in Nur Ikhwan pun from the start. the usual reason given: kerja kat rumah lagi byk nak kene buat (not that i neglect ALL my duties at home ye. adelah siket2 tu... heh. psl tak sempat =/)
da'wah > diri sendiri betulkan dulu... yeah. btullah kan...
*when i answered them that i'm doing this as part of da'wah
susahlah. my family is a bit different
takpelah

Can I start a family? says:
oh i see
.
.
.

if you're good, be better says:
btw, back to the parents-prob "story", at least for ur case i believe it's much easier. lelaki senang siket.
if i were a boy, i'm pretty sure my parents wouldn't be this strict with me

Can I start a family? says:
so now u wanna change to a boy?
unlikely
but then again kan

if you're good, be better says:
takde ah. dulu ade jugak ah fikir. but now no more. alhamdulillah saya dilahirkan sbg seorg girl =)

Can I start a family? says:
urs is really a dakwah struggle in its case
it feels that ure in a battlefield
u may have lost countless wars
tapi the victorious is not yet decided
it may be u perhaps
tak nampak lah senapang bullets
tapi more of words & actions
have u ever tot of any other way to make this dakwah movement less furiousity by ur family?
kawin is one suggestion =D

if you're good, be better says:
to be honest, i did have that in mind *shhhh!!!*
hahaha. but then again, after weighing the pros n cons, n MANY other factors, nah. tak boleh laa
tak boleh cepat sgt

Can I start a family? says:
cpt sngt?
ohh i see
ok if thats the case
then pray for it ajer lah
takkan u wanna be a hermit all ur life
still in ur heart, even weighing all factors
u still want to tie the knot do u?

if you're good, be better says:
did i say i wanna be a hermit all my life? na'udzubillah. just not now. i'm not even 20 laa dey
if i get married now (or anytime soon), i'm gonna disappoint my parents even MORE

Can I start a family? says:
why?
cos u'll be moving away with ur zaujatuki?
& house chores cannot be done effectively?
that ur parents' responsibilities are null after tying the knot?
sorry if i'm too aggressive!

if you're good, be better says:
no to ur 1st, 2nd n 3rd attempts

i want to make my parents happy 1st. work, and contribute to the household, help to lessen their burdens, support them.... all these while they've been supporting me.. from small. bila dah besar, belum pun nak cuba balas jasa org tua (cuba. gerenti tak terbalas punya lah kan), dah sibuk nak kahwin

if u're my parents, won't u be disappointed?

Can I start a family? says:
ohh so thats the case eh
to me right
every child born to this world is given a freedom of something
i'm not saying ur pt is to be put off like that
but in any case, insyaAllah still be able to take care of parents & manage own family
not to brag but my mom has been taking care of my nenek & datuk sejak me kecil lagi
my uncles & aunties not very supportable to my grandparents
i really pity my mom
but she has been able to do it with all her strength & God's assistance
my point is kan
we all are able to do things, achieve our dreams
but its always how to do it & manage it
i rest my case

if you're good, be better says:
yes. maybe for ur mom's case, it's only "how to do it & manage it" >this, i do not deny. but for my case, bcoz it happened b4 in the family (u know i've many siblings rite?), so the impact on my parents wld be much much more if I were to do the same thing. sblm kahwin senangla ckp, "nnt lepas kahwin pun boleh jage mak ayah, support family, etc". but lepas kahwin???

tak nak janji byk2, psl takut nnt in the future i won't be able to fulfil them...

manusia hanya mampu merancang kan? mcm mana baik n teliti pun perancangan tu, tak mustahil lain yg akan jadi..

n anw, even if i were to marry NOW, blum ade calon pun. heh. zauj pun satu hal jugak kan? kalau dpt yg tk understanding (na'udzubillah), kesian nnt my parents.
i wouldn't take the risk.

Can I start a family? says:
understooded
.
.
.
so yeah. conversation has been cut short. save space.
susahnye nak fahamkan Mak Ayah n my siblings.
so from now onwards i guess i wouldn't be able to attend any more night meetings, be it that of Nur Ikhwan, SAFF-Perdaus, or IMPIAN-Pergas.

coz if i were to reach home late, n w/out the keys, i wouldn't be able to enter the house. my bro pernah kene camtu. tapi dia lelaki. tidur bawah block pun ok lah kan.
org takut. ade cicak, lipas, tikus, n worse, ade manusia2 merepek. eeeii~

n when my parents asked: kluar dgn kawan lelaki ke perempuan
>> nampak sah in meetings ade kedua-dua jenis lah kan? so i told them the truth. ade lelaki jugak, tapi tak campur. duduk jauh2. tak buat ma'siat (btullah kan. as a sister put it:
"semoga hati ana tak bergetar disebabkan mana2 lelaki dan semoga tidak ada lelaki yang tergetar hatinya disebabkan ana
>Ya Allah Kau peliharalah daku dan jauhilah hambaMu yg lemah ini dari segala sifat2 yg tak elok. Hapuskanlah segala perasaaan2 yg tak sepatutnya dari hati ini ya Allah!)...

still, not convincing enough. esp to Ayah.

which, of course, is to be expected from Ayah.

Ayah strict habes~ even my new sister-in-law (2nd bro's wife) takut dgn ayah coz ayah "ade mcm garang siket". heh. yes. he is very strict.

kalau siape yg bernasib baik call my place n my Ayah answers it,
> mesti kesian org tu. my Ayah speaks very LOUD. so even when he's not angry, he might sound like it. haa!
 
posted by .:Mujahidah Khadijah:. at 12/20/2006 05:54:00 PM | Permalink |


4 Comments:


  • At 12/22/2006 11:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Ya ukhtifillah..
    I can feel for ur situation.. as u noe.. Da'wah is never ez... Be it in the context of how to do it, tentangan masyarakat, mendapatkan mad'u, and also especially.. issues from parents..

    Just a small piece of ting to say.. Please never assume, lelaki senang sikit... boleh balik mlm.. I got my brothers in islam, kena lock luar rumah, tido bawah block pon ada.. It happens to both guys n gals.. no doubt abt it.. especially when we have parents who are not so used to the terms, da'wah work.. or even volunteer werk.. or meetings..

    Bottomline, diorang tanak seorang pon anak dorang balik lambat.. lelaki or perempuan.. and eventhough 3 of us in my family, my elder bro (sblom dia kawin dulu), me n my younger sister.. kompem punya.. kena jugak samething..

    Basically, their concern tu lah..
    1) Safety of their cahaya mata yg diorang sayang: Anything can happen at night, n seems like to parents, more bad things happens at night

    2) diorang tanak anak dorang dibual n jadi percakapan jiran tetangga.. "tengok anak sipolan balik lambat.. balik ngan saper tu.. saper hantar tu.." (typical jiran tetangga kepo nyer mindset) which is so wrong to me.. kos.. u got to su'uzon, bersangka baik... tak semua org balik lambat buat maksiat..

    3) Risau, balik lambat, besok kluar pagi, tak cukup rehat.. (alalalaaa.. sayangnya..)

    yeah.. u can agree or otherwise to all tt.. but tt happens..

    Its always difficult to fight for rights n kebenaran with parents..
    1) u have to give respect to our parents, n kena jaga how we communicate, takle naikkan suara

    2) they have old mindset yg susah utk berubah.. a certain percentage of parents can..

    3) We do not want to loose their love n spoil the relationship.. so nak tanak kena jaga hati mereka.. PRIORITY!

     

  • At 12/22/2006 11:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    2nd posting..

    With regards to solutions..
    some ideas.. some mite werk some mite not..

    U need to strategise.. Seperti da'wah.. ok, apa usul2 da'wah?
    Da'wah memerlukan 3 perkara, rite?
    1) Da'i - U, yes U.
    2) Mad'u - ur target audience.. ur pax..
    3) Maudu' - ur dakwah content, yg u nak sampaikan

    so in ur case.. mad'u is ur parents, n maudu' tu.. haa.. tu yg kita kena pikirkan..

    n all this nak kena ada strategy yg i ckp tadi..
    things like:
    1) Timing... figure out the right time, n frequency.. how often u nak talk to them abt this.. (to me, after a good breakfast with the family.. nice time to talk tings nicely..)

    2) Tactfullness.. kenen2.. or hint hint.. on the impt of da'wah.. macam, ngah baca suratkhabar.. "haiz.. remaja2, asik buat dosa jer, tngok ni ayah.. ada jer kelakuan sumbang diorang buat.. adik2 ni kesian.. takde org nak tolong n buka jalan dan minda dorang.. haiz.. siapalah agaknya boleh tolong diorang.." hehe.. (ive never try this.. baru terfikir)

    3) Share stories from ur da'wah aktivities.. like u went for a camp, "Mak, ayah.. haritukan, khad (if tts wat u call urself) pergi camp, best tau.. kita buat ni buat tu.. abih, khad kena jaga brape budak2 ni.. alahai.. diorang semua mcm nak dengar.. semangat gitu tengok dorang.. abihkan ada satu ni, kesian dia, keluarga dia keluarga pecah, abih dia ni ni.. abih khad tolong dia, nasihat dia.. abih dia mcm terharu.. abih dia nangis, ckp terima kasih akak.. abih khad pon nangis.. eh... kenapa Mak ayah nangis??' (ok.. da drag n merepek sikit.. haha..)

     

  • At 12/22/2006 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    3rd posting..

    wah.. panjang lebar.. maap ye.. da'wah is a matter close to my heart.. as it should be in all of us... as tts our main purpose in life.. Khalifatullah..

    ok.. So.. 3rd posting..

    Alternatives for da'wah..
    Tak semestinya, nak buat da'wah ni kena balik lewat mlm.. of cors.. sumtimes its the organisation tt needs to do sumting abt the meetings.. but sumtimes.. its still quite difficult, because volunteers dun have much time, n lots of tings to cover..

    ok.. back to again.. alternatives
    1) Request to leave early from the chairman of the meeting, base on the time of ur curfew. Should be ok, as we da'is' should be very understanding towards our volunteers.. Just tell them, u'll get updates from the minutes later, or tt u'll ask ur frens or even give the chaiperson a call later..

    2) Da'wah weekday n weekend daytimes.. only.. pon ok.. means u just show urself in events and support n give ur very best during those events

    3) E-da'wah.. U tak yah contribute physically, as being around so much in meetings.. alternatively, u can contribute greatly online! email discussions, planning discussions in chats.. documentation typing, from home pc.. all these are still needed in da'wah outfits..

    4) Suri Rumah.. Haha.. i dunnoe y i name it like this.. but basically, mcm pat atas.. do tings at home.. kalau ada gotong royong buat flyers or name tags ker or calling up pax ker.. u can volunteer to do at home.. just collect from someone at mrt ker.. then stay at home..

    5) Conference Call.. Takle jumpa, bleh conference call... almost all new HPs have this function.. but not more than 4 person.. nanti da jadi mcm pasar..

    I personally used the online systems n da'wah system when back then did my surgery, n home n bed-bounded.. takle kluar.. but da'wah must still go on.. discussion must go on..

    Ayuh! Jangan mengaku kalah sebelum masuk bertanding.. WE are YOUTH! we are creative.. think of all the things we can do to make things werks for us.. aite! TIME TO FIRE UPP!!!

    Ya ALLAH.. diKau permudahkanlah urusan hambamu, para du'at.. yang hanya ingin membuat semua ini tidak lain dan tidak bukan untuk membawa adik-adik dan anak2 bangsa, dan Ummah.. untuk mendekatkan diri kepadaMu Ya ALLAH..

    Bagi kami, tiada lain yg dipinta, cuma hanya permudahkan jalan, perlindungan dan mardhatillah.. dari mu Ya ALLAH..

    Wahai Tuhan yg Maha Pengasih lagi maha Penyayang. Perkenankanlah permintaan ini..

     

  • At 12/22/2006 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Lastly...

    Sorri.. Lupa.. hehe..

    Just reminder to myself..
    Im nothing.. just a servant of ALLAH.. I make lots of mistakes n also tend to repeat them.. manusia.. selalu lupa..

    n im no better than anybody.. so.. forgive, kalo tersalah ckp..

    Ingat.. watever u think its good, ada makna, boleh cuba, n can benefit u.. all of them comes from ALLAH..

    yg buruk2 tu.. my own weakness.. so.. afwan..

    Ma'assalamah..

     
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